16 June 2009

Part Four: Of Men and Women

What kind of qualities do you look for in a partner and why?

As simple as it may sound, the thing I would look for is someone who makes me smile. More importantly however is that she would also make other people smile. We all look for someone who will make us happy, but to me, it is also important that she is someone who makes other people happy. They say that you should be wary of someone who is kind to you but mean to the waiter. And that is how I choose to look at all the relationships in my life. If they do not care for others, it makes me question their true character.

I often feel that people often become busy thinking of themselves - what they want, what they need, what they do not have; and forget to think of others. So to find someone who truly takes the time to think of others, not simply for what they gain for themselves, would definitely be something I look for. It is an important part of how I choose to live my life, so for that reason it has to be an important part of what I look for.

I am not so sure I have a specific list of qualities or likes that I look for. The most beautiful part of love is its ability to surprise, so I like to keep an open mind. I would obviously like to find someone who shares the same general interests, but she would not have to like everything that I do. Indeed it is the little differences between us that I would enjoy the most, because I believe that love is about those little quirks.

She would be someone I was happy being with even when doing the most mundane of things. I often give the example of washing dishes, in that we could stand after a long day and wash the dishes together, not needing to speak, but being happy in the presence of each other. That example would obviously be on a more serious level, but it truly is the small things in life that I value the most, and that type of connection is definitely one of them.

Speaking of serious relationships, family is important to me, so she would have to be someone who got along with my family. To be honest, I suppose I would look for someone who I know my parents would like. However it would naturally work both ways, I would want to take the time to know and like her family and parents as well if things were to become serious.

Where would you go on a first date?

I am definitely somewhat of a traditional romantic, so it could perhaps be an evening performance in the theatre, followed by dinner. I would pick her up at her doorstep, most probably wearing a suit, but without a tie so as not to look too formal. I have a particular love of flowers, so I would have hopefully found out her favourite, without being too obvious, in a previous conversation, and bought a bouquet for her.

I would have arrived early in the evening, so that we could walk at a leisurely pace to the theatre, taking time to browse a book store or antiques shop along the way. If there was even the slightest possibility of rain, I would of course have brought an umbrella along for the both of us. I make sure to walk along the pavement on the side closest to the road, to shield her lest a car drive by and splash water our way.

Following the performance at the theatre we would go to dinner. It would probably be somewhere rather more intimate than one of the more popular restaurants. I would have found a place nearby beforehand, with a unique character and charm that both I and my date would appreciate. Following dinner and perhaps some dancing, I would make sure to walk her back to her door and hopefully make plans to see her again.

Of course that being said, my decision for a date would very much depend on the lady in question and her interests and likes. It could be going to a painting class together, or having a picnic in the park under the sunshine. It could be going to pick strawberries or going to a local flea market to explore and find treasures. The date would have to be something we would both enjoy, but also something a little more special for us both than simply going to see a movie or going to drink coffee.

Are you straight or gay?


Do you have a girlfriend?


How do you inject some style into a boyfriend or boy friend's wardrobe without him getting offended and thinking that you are trying to rob him of his own personal style?

It really does depend on how you come across, most men are pretty open to fashion suggestions from women!

The only real thing you need to know about this is that us guys are not all too smart to women. You only have to suggest something and reinforce the idea by saying how good it is, and we tend to follow your advice. Imagine the scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the mother and aunt are trying to convince the father to allow Toula to go to computing classes. They carefully suggested to him how good an idea it was and he ended up agreeing and thinking he made the decision all along. I am not of course saying that you should trick them into wearing what you want them to, but rather, giving them the option to wear something a little different.

The most important thing to note is that if he is not comfortable with wearing something you can not push him to do so. Go shopping with him and pick up something you may think is nicer and tell him how it may be the better choice for him. Do not shun his choices, but rather provide more options.

Provided you give encouragement for a new choice and ease them slowly into making a change, it should flow naturally. I think a lot of men find it rather hard to go shopping, and will often have a pretty simple and utilitarian approach - "I need some trousers, I like those trousers, I will buy those trousers". You simply need to open the possibility of more choices to them. However, remember that the clothes are for them, so let them buy what they love, not simply what you like. Of course the easy option for a boyfriend would be to buy clothing as a gift - that way they pretty much have to wear it!

Well this is technically my 492th post, however including a few draft posts yet to be published, that makes 500. I actually just wanted to take this opportunity to announce my Around The World project. Full details will be posted to start off the project soon. For those of you interested, here is a little teaser clue...

Oh, and here is a beautiful rainbow to remind you that even rainy days are a cause of joy :)

Currently playing: Boogie Down - MGMT



  1. The answer to the first date question is lovely :)

  2. what an honest & beautiful post this is! you really deserve to meet someone equally as beautiful. looking forward to hearing the details of your project!

  3. Quite a lovely post :)

    Such neat answers! Having someone that makes you happy, but also makes other happy. That actually is really important.
    Aweh, and the first date answer is so sweet :D

    Mmm I love rainbows!


  4. what a nice post!
    it's really great to write these things out somehow, even if you put it away, and come back to it later.

    i had a crazy list that i kept for a long time...people said i was being ridiculous, or asking too much, and that i was going to be a cat lady..

    but then i met someone who was everything on the list, plus a few extra things on top to make sure i didn't squirm away.

    having an idea of what you want is a very good thing.

    btw i adore full rainbows! i always like to imagine they are real...

  5. wow you are so stylish and straight!
    i think the girl that gets you issuper lucky

    oh my performance theatre ... the best date ever , but pricey i guess . you could take her to the ballet!

  6. Aah You are such a great first dater! Lovely post! very open and honest!

    Your project looks soo cool, can't wait to hear more about it!
    Are you sending a notebook around the world? or traveling yourself.. Or am I compleeetly wrong!

  7. I have a top that has a picture of a rainbow and says "I love rainy days". It seems to anger people whenever I wear it, they shout at me in town. I don't care.

    Thanks for the rainbow.

  8. Gorgeous post, really enjoyed reading it. I agree someone who makes you smile is one of the most important things!

  9. How cute! I think that it is important to find someone who makes you smile, too. :)
    Lovely rainbow! I can't wait to hear more about your project ^^

  10. What a lovely quote. I look for that same sort of goodness in the guys I date too.

  11. I so love mgmt.

    Those were such sweet answers.

    Its funny, I kept thinking..I love it when they make me laugh...and yet that can be over kill on occasion. Something to think about.

    Love the post.

  12. Thanks so much for the note.

    Oh, love your answers. I do hope you find that perfect date soon.

    Love the video too.

  13. Really some fasinating answers. Love the idea of a suit out on a date too.

  14. oh my, your answer to the first question is just lovely! it may seem trite, but happiness really is important- in the big things and the little things. washing dishes is a perfect example! and little quirks that make us all different is the reason people are so great.

    by the way, i'm looking forward to your project! i can't guess exactly what it is, but i'm sure it'll be wonderful (:

  15. -this is a very cool blog:)
    pretty interesting.

    ps. im a follower:)

  16. I am speculating all sorts of things regarding your project...I'm excited! From what I'm sort of gathering, it reminds me of one of my favorite surf DVDs. Single Fin Yellow. Try looking it up on YouTube.

  17. This post was such a sweet read! I like especially what you said about people thinking of others. The happiest people I know are those who focus on others and are self-less; that makes you feel good about yourself--none of things you do for yourself will help you feel good about yourself as a person.
    P.S. I am uber interested in the project...

  18. What a wonderful post.
    It made me smile...the elegance and honesty you're able to put into posts. I loved all the answers to all the questions, and love that amazing rainbow, they really are like promises.

  19. darling what a lovely,honest warm post. i enojoyed reading every answer!
    muah x

  20. This is really wonderful! I wish more straight guys thought as much about style as you do. I'm definitely excited for the Around the World Project! :)

  21. Interesting choice on first date attire and events, i so want to get a moleskin notebook i jot down inspirational stuff in difft lil notes wanna get them all in one.

  22. Helpless romantics are the best types of guys. I like the first quote.

  23. This was a really good post. I enjoyed reading it. I love your idea of a first date.

  24. enjoy reading this DK!
    ...it's always better to give than to receive indeed! reap what we sow principle. My, you are a romantic! Fab!!

  25. congrats on 492th post! it is such an accomplishment. and thanks for your comment on my blog!

  26. I think that you are the coolest person ever! Some girl would be so amazingly lucky to have you---you are such a romantic and stylish and love theatre and antiques, music....and I could go on and on!

    Would you like to meet my daughter? Heh, heh...

  27. so romantic. im glad to see that a decent guy still exists in this world. i know that sounds horrible, but ive just about given up hope!

  28. oooh! moleskine! apparently its pronounced like 'mole-ay-skeen-ay". i have a feeling thats a lie. is it? who knows. anyway, that was quite a romantic post :)

  29. you're too cute! (if you're allowed to say that) xx.

  30. Your such a romantic I LOVE it =.] Oh and I am SO excited about this project of yours, hurry up and spill already =.D

  31. I like your first date. So sweet :)

  32. "you should be wary of someone who is kind to you but mean to the waiter"
    I cannot agree more. I have met so many people in my life that would charm me off my feet but then at the end of the night act upstuck or rude to the waitress or the barista or the valet and for me that's always like a bubble popping, the magic all gone. You can't be a nice person if you're just nice to the select few!

    I loved reading your answers here the most. When you find her that girl will be a lucky one indeed :)

    And oh wow, I am so curious right now!

  33. oh, this is so sweet! to have a guy with such fashion sense and romantiscism, yet one that's completely straight...sigh...i'll be your girlfriend! ;)

    anyway, i just wanted to let you know that i gave you an award on my blog!


  34. This is such a beautiful post!

    If I find a guy half as charming as you, then I would be quite happy! It is hard to find a sweet man, maybe I should go to London? haha.

    And yes the great thing about rainy days it that they leave a little present behind.


  35. Stop being so damn cute Dapper, I'm gonna fall for you. It would be a blog-crush, haha(But seriously. WANNA BE MY BLOG-BOYFRIEND?). Don't worry, I'm completely sane.
    Your idea of a perfect first date sounds wonderful...And it's so thoughtful of you to bring two umrellas! Sigh...
    Looking forward to hear more about your project!

  36. You're such a romantic! I love it. Here's what I loved most: the image of a couple washing dishes together and enjoying their silent time; the mundane things are what most of us spend time doing. So it's nice to know that you can recognize that. Love your idea of an ideal date, too. You're an old fashioned gentleman :D

  37. all i can say is... awwwwww.

  38. i was so pleased that you answered my question about where to go on a first date.

    i very much enjoyed reading it!
    i couldn't stop smiling(:

    you truly are one of a kind!
    & i hope you're enjoying your week so far.


  39. Oh, I love these written notes, there's nothing like ink on paper!

    You sound like the perfect date, now I really want to have a tea date with you, haha! ;)

    I may repeat myself, but you've got an amazing talent to engage those who read you, it's just so real and genuine, it feels like I've known you far ages. x

  40. Aha! That Moleskine looks promising, count me in!

    You ARE a true romantic, and you sound like a real gentleman too! A girl would be lucky to have you.

  41. You're amazing, amazing, amazing!

    "The most important thing to note is that if he is not comfortable with wearing something you can not push him to do so. " Oopssss.... I did that once or twice whit my ex: Definately NOT a good thing! I should have read that post before!

    Anyway, another lovely read! have a nice day!

  42. Awh, I just bought a new moleskine plain notebook too due to my old one being lost at the park :(

  43. aww the girl you meet will be a lucky one! i hope you meet someone amazing.

    i am v. curious about this project..hmm!

  44. you completely remind me of my husband and i don't say that often about men! you sound like a keeper and whomever is blessed to have you as theirs treats you as you deserve.

    i *think* i know what the project is and even if i'm wrong, i want in! :)

  45. "I often feel that people often become busy thinking of themselves - what they want, what they need, what they do not have; and forget to think of others."

    I could have hugged you when I read that. So very true and such a huge passion of my heart (to think of others- credit goes to my dear parents for that). It never ceases to amaze me when people overlook others around them.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. It's so encouraging to read!

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  47. LOVED this post! I would def. peg you as being the romantic type. :) Your future wife will be very lucky to have you as her hubby!

    xo, Becs